Strategies... not resolutions

      I hate even years. The numbers just give me a bad feeling, which doesn't improve as I look forward on them, into their future and what they hold, all I see is dark blue and grey swirlings of emotions. I know the year and what it holds will not be awesome and exciting, but will drag on through the slew of drama and muck thrown along my path. It's very ominous.
    Maybe I always feel this way at the start of even years because of how they've held out for me in the past. Maybe it's because I need a superstition to explain to my sanity why my life likes to dip down into disparity every other year. Or maybe it's just because I'm looking out my window at the dark clouds coming in, bearing their snow and rain, and I am applying the cold they are bringing today as lasting throughout the rest of the year. We shall see.
    Well anyway, even though I'm convinced this year will play out poorly for me, it doesn't mean I'm just going to sit through it and let it happen. No. I'm prepared. I know what to expect from my life (I've been dealing with it long enough) and I have some strategies (I guess you could call them resolutions... *grimaces at the word*) in order to maintain my sanity (which is already hanging by a thread) and keep me... well, me. 
    1. I will write more. The last few years I have put off writing and the joy that it brings me. I cannot do that anymore. I need writing, it's my crux. Writing helps me figure out what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, and is a much needed outlet, instead of letting everything build up inside of me to the point where I explode at the next person who asks me for a favor.
    2. I should find time to read just because I want to read, not because I have to for some dumb class and ridiculous teacher. I have so many books I want to read, they all just pile up and I never get through it. I can (should) make time to read for myself, escape this world and my life for a few moments at a time. Well... it's a good thought at least, we'll see how that goes.
    3. Put myself first for once in my life. I know that sounds backwards. I'm one of those people that finds it completely impossible to say no to people. Ever seen 27 dresses? Yeah, Jane is an older version of myself. You know that line, "Have you ever said no to someone?" "No, not once. Never." Yeah... story of my life. So I need to put my own needs first for once. To think about what I really can and cannot do, and to stand up for myself... but nonconfrontationally (yes that is a word spell check!)

    There it is. That's what I need to do. No more complaining. No more falling apart on other people's shoulders. I am who I am and I will be strong in myself. I can deal with everything I have in front of me on my own. I will be changed, stronger, more independent, and most of all, more confident. I will be witty, charming, and elegant. Or maybe I'll just say "um" a lot and trip over things...
    Oh 2010, here I come.